Agile4Parenting: Events
We always have envisioned sharing the parental responsibility equally. As we were confronted by the parental mental load, we applied some agile practices and principles to create a version of agile family organisation, which we refer as Agile4Parenting.
It is an evolving set of applied practices, which we are happy to share. In the previous posts I’ve discussed the roles & responsibilities and the artefacts. This post centers about the events and iterations.
Planing sessions
Some time ago we had very heated arguments about tasks noted on our shared family to-do list that stayed there for weeks with no progress. We figured out that we have a very different attitude towards those tasks. While one of us treated the to-do list as a backlog of items that need to be done at some point in the future, another one saw them as a commitment to finish those task in the most nearest future.
We realised that we need to discuss the timing and the priorities of those tasks, creating a common commitment.
That is where we looked at each other and realised, we need regular planning sessions.
We have been holding our weekly plannings on Sunday nights since over three years and that significantly reduced tension potential in our family.
A planning session includes looking over our calendars and making sure that the balancing act between two demanding jobs, childcare and private events is going to work during an upcoming week. After that we prioritise our common to-dos and commit on which tasks we want to get done during the week.
After we agree on our weekly schedule, we adapt the picture calendar for our older toddler. We discuss the week with the kid as a way to offer a possibility being a part of the planning process.
We value frequent, open and informal communication
The most efficient and effective method of conveying information to and within a development team is face-to-face conversation.
Agile Manifesto
We found out that explicit, open and frequent communication is the vehicle that runs our family.
The worst thing one can do in sharing the responsibility is to assume someone has the same knowledge.
Although we use transparent and shared system of notes and to-dos, we believe that noted is not necessarily communicated.
Though we hold our weekly meetings we still talk a lot about planning, to-do’s, unexpected events, decisions etc. Making sure that everyone involved posses the information necessary to navigate our complex and sometimes stressful family live without being constantly overwhelmed.
Learn and iterate
We have tried to hold formal weekly retros, but the practice did not work well for us. There obviously was no way to involve a neutral moderator for the regular sessions.
So we pivoted to informal and more personal formats to reflect on our co-parenting. Not holding a formal event does not mean, however, that the agile learning loop of transparency, inspection and adaptation is not valued in our family.
Our lives are a constant change. As our kids grow, our needs as individuals and family change greatly and we need to keep learning and adapting.
And finally – A week is not a sprint
And last, but not least. When adapting some agile practices for usage at home, we need to remember to be kind and generous to each other. Or in words of agile manifesto, to keep individuals and interactions over processes and tools. As all in all it is about co-existing with people we love and want to see happy. So if something goes not as expected and someone is just more tired then usual, we do not hesitate to throw our to-do lists away and just cuddle.
Cuddling a crying toddler (or a parent) is sometimes the most important commitment in the world.