Today is the last day of our shared parental leave, which I have spent at a nice conference in Stockholm. I am writing the first draft of this post on my late (delayed) flight back home where I am excited to get all the sleepy cuddles from both my baby and my toddler.
I had a wonderful day full of conversations. Among others, I had a chance to chat about parenting with a colleague, who is a mother of a toddler. We shared our experiences of taking parental leaves and returning to work full-time while parenting young children. My colleague reminded me how much of a privilege it is to be able to share the parental leave between the parents.
During both of our shared leaves, I’ve got asked repeatedly if I am not taking a full-time parental leave, because I was not able to afford it.
“Is it all about the money?” they asked. And I found it hard to give a short answer. Here is the long one.
Women sustain their families
First of all, I feel the question is deeply inappropriate. I can hardly imagine a father being ever asked if he continues working after kids because of the money.
“Surprisingly” women do work in order to sustain their families.
Moreover, in general, I see nothing wrong in wishing to earn money. Money is the way our society expresses value and appreciation. I don’t think anyone should feel guilty for wanting their work to be appreciated and well-paid.
Working mothers benefit their children
Then multiply studies show that investing in one’s career as a mother has considerable long-term benefits for both mother and her children. The children of working mothers have shown to benefit in ways ranging from lower levels of anxiety and depression to a better income as adults, So in a way I can see how my decision to take no long leaves can be seen as a very long-term investment in my kids finances. However, one thing, that matters to me personally, is that being raised by a working mother has a significant effect in fighting gender inequality. That is what I wish for my children’s future even more than financial security.
Financial risks of traditional gender roles
Leaving a career increases a risk of old-age poverty, which influences disproportionally more women in this country.
Besides, almost 40% of marriages fail, which makes career breaks a really high risk investment for a mother. Almost every 5th family in this country is a one-parent-households, 88% of which are households with a single mother. These households have the highest poverty risk in Germany.
So in a long-term perspective deciding not to take a 14 months (or longer) break from my career can be seen as a way to mitigate financial risks.
Parental leave payments, privilege and gender pay gap
In a short-term sight, the parental leave payment in Germany is designed in a way that sharing a parental leave is a privilege for financially more fortunate families.
The full-time parental leave is paid with a max. of 65% of the monthly income a parent had during the year before the birth of the child, but limited to €1800 a month.
Now, if we consider a family with a significant pay gap between the parents, it is a rather easy math. One needs to be able to afford a year, when a significantly better paid partner reduces their income at least to 65% of what they are making.
The gender pay gap has been estimated in Germany to 18% this year. Only 10% of women between 30 and 50 years old reach the income of €2k a month (after taxes) in Germany, whereas 42% of their male peers do so.
So the parental leave benefits system in Germany is basically financially rewarding an arrangement, where a parent with the lower income, usually a mother, takes the most part of the leave. And the expectation that women take longer leaves reinforces the gender pay gap, creating another reason for mothers to cut down their participation in the workforce.
Now, the rules for the part-time parental leave allow to earn up to half of the usual salary, compensating with the parental leave payments for the other half. This compensation is no more than 65% of the missing half of the monthly salary or no more than €900. However, the whole income is limited to about €2,5k a month. And as both parents share the parental leave, both incomes are getting restricted.
In our case, we missed a significant part of our yearly income and lived partly out of our bank account (both year 2020 and 2022), which is surely a great privilege and can hardly be afforded by most families.
Pay-offs we are hoping for
We have seen the shared parental leave as an investment in our family and wanted to share the experience of parenting our babies.
I was more than once asked if I feel bad about robbing my children of their mother’s constant presence.
And the answer is no. I am allowing them a gift of a father. Our children can create a much closer bond with their father, which is probable to strengthen as they grow. The research shows, that fathers present during the first years, are more involved in children lives later. Our children have two caregivers they are equally attached to. Furthermore, they have an opportunity to develop a mind model of all adults being able to pursue a meaningful professional occupation.
“So, is it about the money?” they asked.
No, not really. We are paying in missed income to be able to continue our professional careers while allowing our children to create the special bonds with both their parents.