Shared parental leave – FAQs

So which one of you is working and which one stays home with the kids?

We are currently sharing the parental leave for our youngest 5-months-old.

What are the legal possibilities to share the parental leave?

It is legally possible in Germany to take a part-time parental leave. One can receive partial parental benefits while continuing working part-time, though no more than 30 hours a week.

The financial benefits are limited in a way that makes it pointless to earn more than roughly a half of the previous salary. The actual calculation is rather complicated.

Each parent can take parental leave and it can be shared freely. The benefits are limited to max. 14 month full-time leave or up to combined 28 month part-time leave.

Have you made a break for the baby?

We both stayed at home for the first 2 months after our youngest arrived. For me as the mother it was a legal requirement as well as the necessity. The kids’ father took the family time to support me in this physically challenging time.

How much do you work?

After the break we both returned to our jobs part-time working 20 hours a week. We do 4 hours shifts (mornings or afternoons) and take turns in caring for the baby.

Basically each of us can wear a business suit for a pitch in the morning and spend an afternoon hanging out with a stroller in a nearby park.

Are your jobs fully remote?

We are normally working from home 3-4 days a week and go to the physical offices 1-2 times a week.

How do you deal with meetings outside of the scheduled working hours?

There are occasional virtual meetings we need to do outside our planned working (baby-free) hours. It takes some extra planing and sometimes the baby just joins the meeting. It is mostly possible to keep a young baby happy while doing other stuff. Though we already have some experiences in emergency nappy changing while hanging in a Teams meeting,

Why do you work? Is it about money?

As the benefits are limited to a maximum amount one is allowed to earn, we could have been significantly better off financially if we decided to share the parenting in a more traditional manner. However, it does not fit us.

Is the baby bottle-fed?

The baby is mostly nursed, but it does not mind a bottle of formula if its primary source of food (the mother) decides to spend some time away from home. Though the feeding is something we are currently not able to share equally, we do not see it as an issue. We are trying to compensate the time needed to nurse by redistributing other chores.

Do you travel for work?

Travelling for work is hardly possible with this model. Especially for the nursing mother it is out of reach. We try to make some occasional leaves (e.g. conferences or workshops) possible. They require a longer planning and support, as parent staying at home needs to take days-off or shift the working hours.

Thankfully, limited traveling is hardly an issue for our jobs. The pandemic has changed the mindset regarding remote meetings and travel. The unnecessary travel has been strongly limited and many things are proven to be possible remote. Our employers are very flexible and understanding in this regard.

You probably have a nanny or two, don’t you?

We are unfortunately short of family & friend support, as we had moved to a new city just before the first kid was born and just a few months before the pandemic. The nearest family is 400 km away. We are currently trying the model of a babysitting granny-to-rent and hope this can unburden us a bit. Otherwise, we have been through the pandemic all on our own.

Hold on, you have two kids, don’t you?

Our toddler is normally at the daycare 8:00-16:00, if there are no COVID alarms or runny noses.

Have you tried other ways to share parental leave?

With our first baby we spent first two months of the parental leave together at home. During this time the baby showed attachment to the both caregivers almost in an equal way, with a slight preference for the mother as its food source.

The following 3 months I stayed home, while my partner got back to work full-time. Our original plan was to switch the roles when the baby was going to be 6-7 months old. However, during the 3 month the father was not around as much, we witnessed some alarming changes in the baby’s behaviour and family dynamics. The baby insisted to be cared for by the mother only and refused farther’s company. The mother felt rather overwhelmed of having to care for the baby day and night with no support, while missing a possibility to talk to an adult about something more intellectually demanding than nappies. The farther was deeply missing the lost connection with the baby.

At this point we realised that switching the roles was not the solution. We both wanted to be involved parents and we both wanted to be challenged intellectually. Then we heard about a couple sharing the parental leave part-time and started pondering the possibility. We convinced our employers, figured out how to share and took the leap into the unknown despite the discouraging voices telling us how it might never work out.